In Tantra, the couple relationship is considered a sacred, rapid and joyful spiritual path when taken with the appropriate spiritual attitude – facing all their experiences and situations with awareness, enthusiasm, detachment, and a firm direction towards transformation.

From the magical beginning of “falling in love”, to the state of deep, profound & sacred Godly Love – there is a long but rewarding road of transformation, compassion, patience and transcending our limitations.

And on this road, we come across challenges of all kinds: fears, egoistic desires, inhibitions, vices, preconceived ideas, pride (a big ego) and lack of trust.

In the beginning, we all aspire towards complete fulfillment & happiness in our couple relationship. But despite our best intentions, we often fall and experience pain and distress in relationships.

In this article we will explore some of the challenges to love, and how to overcome the contradicting inferior tendencies that often lead to irrational and absurd behaviors.

Why don’t we stay in the state of love forever?

Where do all the tensions & frustrations that turn a loving couple relationship into a battlefield come from? Why is a magical beginning so often followed by a long chain of relationship issues that leave deep traumatic marks on our hearts?

Carl Jung’s answer is that we tend to project on the other not only the highest aspirations of our souls, but also the raw and dark tendencies of our own subconscious – without even being aware of it.

Psychology explains this mechanism through the concept of shadow – a structure of the human psyche that represents the total sum of all our fears, aggressiveness and obsessive desires. It is a structure that “hides” in the deepest darkest corner of our subconscious, and whose existence we often ignore or even deny.

When we fail to observe and recognize what is inferior in ourselves, we unconsciously and gradually develop poisonous attitudes towards our relationships – because what we deny in ourselves, we project onto others.

This is the process that Jung calls projection – in this case, when we project our “shadow” onto others. And according to Jung, this is the source of all conflicts and suffering we experience in couple relationships.

How do we stop projecting our shadow onto others?

In order to stop this unconscious process of projecting our “shadow” onto others, we must go through 3 stages:

All our personal defects – lack of self-confidence, jealousy, anger, obsessive behavior, pride, cowardice, etc – need to be observed with awareness and detachment. And we must realize that it is our own defects that are the fundamental source of the tensions we are experiencing.

This attitude of courageous ownership & responsibility towards all our states & experiences is a determining factor for our emotional and spiritual evolution. It involves a process of self-discovery and profound love. As long as we don’t realize and accept that what we experience outside is a reflection of what is inside of us, it will be difficult or even impossible in some cases to live a happy life.

We come again and again to the same conclusion: that which remains unconscious can appear from the exterior world as an unpredictable destiny, but in reality reflects the condition of our inner life. – Guy Corneau

Until we will start accepting ourselves completely & honestly, with everything we are NOW (both our qualities & flaws), and until we start lucidly analyzing what is limiting in our way of thinking and living – we cannot become aware of the shadows of our personality. And we will continue to unconsciously project our fears and aggressiveness on others around us.

Becoming aware of our wrong attitudes in a couple relationship requires a lot of patience. It is a complex process of healing & transformation that implies an increasing awareness & understanding of our thoughts, feelings and reactions – especially in intimate or difficult moments.

In this way, through every challenge and situation, the couple relationship is actually a generous source of beneficial impulses & inspirations – urging us towards Self-discovery and transformation.

The Inner Man & Woman

Today, scientific studies on the psychology of couple relationships are discovering more and more the effects on reciprocal mirroring, or the phenomena of reflection in a couple relationship.

Similarly to the tantra yoga tradition, analytical psychology underlines a very important subtle aspect of the human psyche: polarity, or the existence of both a feminine dimension and masculine dimension.

Carl Jung, one of the founders of analytical psychology, explains that the man has in his inner structure a feminine component called “anima”. Once the man becomes truly aware of this feminine side, he experiences a state of completeness. The awakening of the inner woman in the soul of the man brings states of compassion, acceptance, sensitivity, and empathy.

In the same way, the woman has in her inner structure a masculine component, called “animus”, that once awakened, brings a state of plenitude and fulfillment to the woman. The archetypal masculine dimension awakened in the soul of a woman brings a transforming force, initiative, reason, rigor, and power.

Awakening in our heart, either as a man or as a woman, the opposite & complementary polar energy, offers a mysterious state of Unity.

The profound love between a man and a woman is an expression of the longing to be complete. When we are in a couple relationship, we are often unconsciously looking to find aspects of our soul reflected in the other one. The more accurate this polar reflection, the more attracted we are to each other.

Every time when between a woman and a man appears an unconditional relationship with magical effects, it is actually a projection of the image of the soul. – Carl Jung

The Tantric Path: Uniting Opposites

But as long as we look at our feminine side (Yin, receptive) and our masculine side (Yang, active) as separate aspects, we cannot reach a state of balance. But we also cannot simply force them together.

Analogically, it is like riding a bike: if we push both pedals at the same time, the bike will stop and we will fall. In order to keep our balance, we need to first push one pedal and then while we release the first pedal we push the other one. In the same way, the eternal alternating game between the feminine and the masculine keeps the entire creation in balance.

Another example is the human brain, which has two hemispheres. We need both the left and the right hemispheres – they fulfill different but necessary & complementary functions.

We usually use only one of them at the time, corresponding to the situation or action. But according to scientific research, the simultaneous activation of both cerebral hemispheres generates a profound state of peace, fulfillment and emotional balance.

This shows that even in our neurological structure, we are capable of experiencing the simultaneous & complete activation of both the masculine and the feminine aspects in our being – which leads to a profoundly beneficial inner state & effects.

How to awaken the inner man or woman

To awaken his inner woman (anima), the man must first analyze and reflect upon all the feminine qualities he has not yet awakened. And then to deeply aspire to awaken these with creativity, gentleness, kindness, compassion, sensitivity, and empathy in his being – without altering or limiting his masculine, strong, solar, Yang structure.

In the same way, in order to awaken her inner man (animus), the woman must also reflect & aspire towards all the masculine qualities she has not yet awakened in her being – such as initiative, power, ability to analyze, lucidity, self-control.

In this way, both man and woman can rapidly & harmoniously transform into complete, balanced beings and awakening the “Glorious Androgynal State” – a state of profound fulfillment & completeness which their souls deeply seek in their couple relationship.

 The awakening of the inner man / woman is a beautiful & rewarding goal for both lovers in a couple relationship, who will share & amplify the amazing effects and transformations that start to appear, with a background of mutual love and aspiration.

Discover the Secrets of Polarity

If you wish to discover more about polarity, both in couple relationships & everyday life – we warmly invite you to join us for this year’s Summer Soul retreat – a delightful 7-day journey into the game between the Masculine & Feminine.

Designed for both singles & couples, this retreat is both a spiritual holiday & immersive heart-work – a unique opportunity to share, celebrate and discover yourself through an unforgettable Polarity Experience guided by experienced tantra teachers in our beautiful countryside sanctuary, Paradise Retreat Center.

There will be time for energy work, yoga, polarity tutoring & study, meditation & self-inquiry. There will be space to eat, enjoy and laugh together; space to create trust, intimacy and romantic connections, open up to new perspectives and digest old, receive expert guidance while experiencing memorable heart-awakening moments.

If you are interested, you can learn more and sign up at https://natha.dk/summer-soul/